


Never Again

by Pony Girl (Jackjunkie)



Category: Young Riders
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Gen, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-26
Updated: 2012-10-26
Packaged: 2017-11-17 02:31:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/546668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jackjunkie/pseuds/Pony%20Girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam decides to end his relationship with Emma in order to protect her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Again

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published in the zine The Pony Express #6

Sam Cain stood motionless in the dusty street and took aim. He had already aimed his gun, effortlessly, a smooth, practiced action requiring little conscious deliberation. Now he was attempting to aim all his attention in the same manner and direction.

This would have presented less of a challenge without the distraction of the man who was holding a gun on Emma Shannon. Nevertheless, Sam pushed down his concern for her, down to a place inside where he could hold it in reserve until he could afford to feel what would only get in the way now. Instead he focused on the man before him, knowing that Emma's best chance lay in his concentrating not on her, but on the source of the threat to her.

It occurred to him to marvel briefly at how quickly a peaceful afternoon could be transformed. One moment he was strolling blithely through Sweetwater, talking and laughing with the woman he loved, and the next he was facing a gunfight with two desperate men and Emma caught in the middle.

The marshal had recognized Mowbry as soon as he spotted him, from the wanted poster he had back in his office. It had been an automatic reaction to draw his gun and place the escaped fugitive under arrest. He just hadn't counted on Mowbry having a partner.

The second man had approached from the side and grabbed Emma's arm, his gun's deadly aim at her heart effectively discouraging Sam from taking any action to free her. Sam had refused to lower the gun he had leveled at Mowbry, however.

Mowbry kept his hands raised. His eyes darted nervously back and forth between his partner and Cain. Licking his lips, he appealed to the lawman. "Look, Marshal, ain't no need for nobody to get hurt here."

"That's right, no need for that at all," Sam replied, his even, inflexible tone betraying none of the effort he was making to maintain his composure. "So tell your friend to put down his gun and let Miss Shannon go, and I won't have to shoot you."

Mowbry's friend snickered. "Ain't you got things kinda backwards there, Marshal? You put down your gun and let us go, and maybe we won't shoot the pretty little lady here."

Sam resisted the almost overwhelming impulse to look at Emma. He wanted so badly to reassure himself that she was all right, to assure her that he wouldn't let them harm her, but he couldn't allow himself that luxury. The only thing keeping them both alive was his intent aim on Mowbry. Sam wasn't about to jeopardize that. No matter what it took, there was one thing he was not going to let happen. Not again.

"Shooting her won't do you any good," he said. "You won't live long enough to gain anything by it."

"You ain't sendin' me back to prison, Marshal. I ain't goin' back there," Mowbry declared, a note of panic creeping into his voice. He licked his lips again and smiled ingratiatingly at Cain. "All this talk o' shootin' ain't doin' nobody no good. Can't you just pretend you never saw me? We'll leave Sweetwater quietly and nobody ever has to know we were here."

"Can't do that, Mowbry." The offer didn't tempt Sam for an instant, even though he valued Emma's life far above the arrest of these coyotes. Trouble was, their word wasn't worth spit. He knew he couldn't trust them to keep any bargain they might make. His only choice was to settle this here and now. "Now call off your friend before I put a bullet in you."

"You wouldn't take a chance with your woman's life." Mowbry's words were phrased as a statement, but his uncertainty put a question in it.

"Wouldn't I? Well now, that's something you won't be around to find out, since you'll be dead," Sam replied, his voice rock-hard with certainty.

"You can't kill both of us before we kill the woman," Mowbry pointed out.

Sam was not backing down. He would not let this happen. He'd lost Jenny. He wasn't going to lose Emma, too.

"You oughtn't to be worryin' about both of you, Mowbry. You ought to be worryin' about you because whatever else happens, the first thing I'll do is drop you." Sam watched Mowbry's increasing nervousness as his measured words sank in. He continued to lay out his plans for them. "Then I'll deal with your friend. If he's smart, which I doubt, he'll shoot me first, because if he shoots Emma, I'll kill him. Then you'll both be dead. If he does kill me, he won't be goin' nowhere. See, we have friends, too. He'll have the whole town of Sweetwater to fight off. Startin' with Emma's express riders - six of the roughest, wildest boys you'd ever want to meet, every one of 'em an expert shot. Whyn't you say howdy? They're lined up right behind you." Sam nodded to their rear as if to indicate their presence there.

His speech sounded sincere enough to his own ears. He almost convinced himself he could see Emma's boys standing there in the deserted street, maybe because he'd been wishing so hard for help to come from somewhere, anywhere. He knew he couldn't count on it, though, and it looked like he wouldn't have to, for Mowbry and his friend were falling for the oldest trick in the book. Neither of them could resist chancing a quick glance over his shoulder, only to see nothing there.

Emma reacted immediately, flinging herself away from her captor, overbalancing him as she pulled away from the direction in which he was looking.

Sam swung his aim to the left and fired, then whirled back and shot Mowbry just in time to prevent him from using the gun he'd just drawn from his belt.

Cain stood over the two outlaws who lay bleeding into the dirt. They were still alive, but he could so easily finish them off. They'd never be a threat to anyone again.

He returned his gun to his holster. That part of his life was over. He'd sworn to uphold the law and he'd see they got justice in a court, not meted out from his gun. He'd vowed that would also be something that would never happen again.

"Sam." The familiar voice choked out his name on a sob. He felt a touch on his elbow.

Sam turned and folded Emma into his arms, stroking her hair and murmuring her name as she clung to him.

He looked past her as his deputy ran up, attracted by the gunshots. "Fetch the doctor," he wearily instructed Barnett.

Closing his eyes, Sam wrestled with memories of Jenny's death and the emotions they called up in him. The same thing could so easily have happened to Emma today. He tightened his embrace. Maybe there was something else that he had to never do again as well.

*****

At the sound of the footsteps behind her, Emma jumped. The spoon she was holding clattered to the floor. She spun around to see Lou frozen on the threshold, bespectacled eyes gazing at her in frank worry.

"Oh, Lulabelle. You startled me." She bent to retrieve the spoon.

"I just come in to ask do ya want that chopped wood stacked behind the barn or by the bunkhouse?" Lou explained.

"Mm, yes, next to the bunkhouse will be fine." Emma stared at the spoon in her hand as if she had no notion what it was, before finally placing the utensil down by the sink.

"Emma," Lou ventured a trifle diffidently, "are you all right? You bin jumpy and kinda far away like fer the past few days."

Emma smiled comfortingly at the girl. "I have a lot on my mind is all."

"Wanna talk about it?"

Emma hesitated. She was more in the habit of listening to the problems of Lou and the boys than in sharing hers with them, but she could use a sympathetic ear right about now. "Let's sit down," she invited, indicating the chairs around the kitchen table.

When they were comfortable, Emma gazed into the distance for a moment, searching for words. Then she looked back at her young friend. "You an' the Kid ain't had such an easy time of it," she began, "so I expect you'll understand why this troubles me so."

"Somethin' wrong between you an' Sam?" Lou asked, an inflection of surprise in her voice.

"I'd have to say yes, though he won't talk about it." Emma sighed. "He won't talk about much of anything. He's been so distant, never has time to see me nomore. I thought if I left him alone for a spell to come to terms with whatever's botherin' him, he'd come to me about it, but it don't look like that's gonna happen. Whatever it is, he's keepin' it all to hisself."

"Don't sound like Sam," Lou commented, a frown puckering her brow.

"It's not," Emma agreed. "I can't understand why he's actin' this way. It's like he don't want nothin' to do with me nomore."

"You know that cain't be true, Emma. You got to talk to him, find out what's goin' on."

"I know. I think I've given him enough time to work things out on his own. It's time we talk it out. Somehow I'll get him to hold still long enough to listen to my questions." She smiled ruefully. "I'm just not so sure I want to hear the answers."

"Sam loves you, Emma. We all know that. He's made it plain enough how he feels. It'll be all right, you'll see."

"I hope you're right, Lulabelle." She thought about her late husband Evan. "Trouble is, love's not always enough."

*****

"Howdy, Sam."

Sam looked up from his desk with mixed feelings to see the visitor who'd just entered his office. Ordinarily he was glad to see Teaspoon Hunter, but just now he wasn't anxious to see anyone from the express station.

"Afternoon, Teaspoon. What can I do for you?" he asked warily.

"Just a social call, Sam. Came to town for supplies and wanted to stop in an' see how y' are. We haven't seen much of you out at the station lately."

That was the kind of comment Cain had been dreading. "I been real busy, Teaspoon. No time to ride out for a visit."

"That's what I heard. Haven't heard of much happening to keep you so busy, though."

"Now look, Teaspoon..."

"Sam, I ain't never been one to meddle... What's that?"

"Nuthin'. Just choked is all."

"Hmm. Well, as I was sayin', it ain't hard for a blind man to see you an' Emma are havin' some kinda trouble, an' I hope you'll take a piece of advice. I do have some experience with the ladies, as you know."

"No offense, Teaspoon, but none of your six marriages lasted, which don't speak too well for your experience."

"Ah, but while they lasted, they were six of the best marriages I ever heard tell of."

"All right, Teaspoon, have your say." Sam sat back in resignation.

Teaspoon regarded him seriously. "Sam, whatever's come between you two can't be worth losin' the best thing this life will ever have to offer you. Think long an' hard on that. That's all I got to say."

Sam considered his boots intently for a few moments before looking up at the older man. "Thank you, Teaspoon. Believe me, that's what I been doin'."

With a nod and a clap on the shoulder, Teaspoon took his leave.

*****

"Hello, Emma. Come on in." Sam took a deep breath and straightened his shoulders. He'd expected Emma to pay him a call sometime soon and this was as good a time as any. He might as well get it over with. No sense dragging things on, now that he'd made his decision.

"Sam." Emma nodded at him from the office doorway.

The midday sun streamed around her. She looked serious, but fetching, in her wide-brimmed hat with a bright ribbon tied under her chin. A few strands of hair escaped from its confines to wave rebelliously about her face. If not for the hat, Sam knew exactly how the sun would light up her hair with a glow like a halo. Sam loved Emma's hair, but he couldn't let himself think about that now. What he had to do was hard enough without dwelling on the multitude of things he loved about Emma. He returned his thoughts to what she was saying.

"You and me have some talkin' to do, Sam Cain. You ready to talk or you gonna run away from me again like you been doin' of late?"

"I'm real sorry about that, Emma. I had some thinkin' to do and I needed to do it alone."

She walked slowly into the office to stand before him. "I reckoned somethin' was gnawin' at ya. Ever since that day you shot Mowbry, you ain't bin actin' like yourself."

"Yeah, that's what set it off, but it's been comin' for a long time. There was what happened with the Prathers, an' before that...well, ever since the trouble with Van Dorn all those years ago. I shoulda known back then. It just took me this long to see it. Now that I have, there's only one course I can see to take."

He saw her look of confusion. He wasn't explaining this very well. He'd been afraid he'd make a mess of it and, sure enough, he was.

"Sam, what are you talkin' about? What does Van Dorn have to do with what just happened here the other day? He's dead. That's all behind you."

"But that's just it, Emma, it's not. Van Dorn and his men never would have killed Jenny if I hadn't been fighting against them in that range war. It's my fault she's dead, just like it's my fault you could have been killed in that fight with Mowbry."

"Sam, that's crazy. You saved me!"

She reached out a hand to touch his arm and he drew back like he'd been scalded. It was hard enough to face her with this decision, to stand firm while being so close to her. He couldn't bear her touch as well. He feared it might break down his resolve.

He answered her objection. "But don't you see, you wouldn't have needed saving if you hadn't been with me in the first place."

She blinked. "Is that what this is all about? Sam, I thought you buried all that with Van Dorn. You're not to blame for what men like that do just 'cause you're tryin' to stop them." She paused, as if to gauge the effect her words were having on him. "I never knew your wife, but I can't believe she'd blame you for what happened any more than I do."

"Maybe not, but if she hadn't married me, at least she'd be alive today." It was a bitter truth that he'd tried to escape by hunting down the men who'd killed Jenny, but revenge had only postponed his own feelings of guilt, not erased them.

"Maybe that's true." He was surprised to hear her admit that. Her next words modified the admission, however. "You could say the same thing if she'd died in childbirth, or even from an accident or illness that wouldn't have happened otherwise."

He made a dismissive gesture. "It's not the same thing."

"It is the same. Think on it. You're a good man, Sam. You always try to do what's right, so you oughta be able to see what's right."

"What's right is to stay away from you or anyone I care about. It's too dangerous for you to be with me, Emma. You'd become a target for any varmint with a grudge against me or the law."

"So you'll just cut yourself off from people? Never have a family, friends? Sam, you can't do that. No one should live like that."

"If it means a choice between that and your life, I can do it." It would be a bleak existence, but knowing Emma was safe would be worth it, he was sure.

"Oh, Sam, if you give up on us now, they've won, Van Dorn and the others. You might as well be dead if you stop living like that. Don't do it, Sam."

He shook his head, refusing to be persuaded. "I just can't take the risk of losing you."

She stepped back and looked him up and down. "Don't you think that's my risk to take, Sam Cain? Nothin' in this life comes easy, but the rewards are worth the hardship and the pain."

"I'm not worth your life, Emma."

Now it was her turn to shake her head. "It's my life, Sam, and I decide who and what are worth it. I have my share of regrets about some of the things I've done, but loving you is not one of them." She raised her chin determinedly. "I don't even regret loving Evan, in spite of the way it turned out, because we had a good marriage for a while. That's not something ever to turn your back on, Sam."

He realized she was echoing Teaspoon's words. He understood what they were saying, but they had to understand his reasons for rejecting their counsel. "Emma, you know how I feel about you. That's why I'm doing this."

"You promised you'd never leave me, Sam."

He looked stricken at that reminder of the words he'd spoken when he'd learned how her husband had abandoned her. "I'm not leaving you, Emma. I'm doing this for your own good." A tiny seed of doubt began to sprout in his mind, however. How could he do this after what he'd said?

"Are you? How can pushing me away from you be good for me?"

Once again he repeated the reason behind his decision. "I'm trying to save your life."

"Maybe. But what kind of a life would it be without you?"

He knew what kind of life he'd have without her. Was he condemning Emma to the same thing? Wasn't it still better than the chance of no life at all?

Emma went on. "Maybe you're not really thinking of me at all, Sam. Maybe you're just trying to save yourself from going through the pain you suffered once already when your wife died. You can't face that it may happen again. You don't want to be hurt like that again."

"That's right, I don't!" How could she see what he felt so clearly when he couldn't see it himself until she showed it to him?

"But doesn't tearing us apart like this hurt you now?"

"God, it does, Emma, but not as much as seeing you dead would hurt. Not as much as knowing you were hurt because of me."

"Sam, don't you see it's too late for that? If you end what we have, I will be hurt, just as surely as if those men had sent a bullet through my heart."

"Emma..." He didn't know what to say. He felt so confused. She was right. It was too late to avoid hurting them both badly if he ended things now. And how could he bear hurting Emma like that, even if it was meant for her welfare?

"Sam." She reached a finger to his lips to hush his words. "Stop thinking about it all for a minute and just tell me what you feel."

He looked deeply into her dark eyes and tried to do as she asked, to just feel, without considering all the reasoning that had gone into his decision. Somehow all the hurt and fear and guilt crystallized into one overriding sensation. "Emma, I need you. I love you."

Emma smiled. He hadn't known how much he'd missed her smile until he saw it again at that moment. He wanted to see her smile every day of his life.

"We need each other, Sam. We'll work things out together. Just don't shut me away out of some misguided sense of nobility. To my mind, all that ever ends up doin' is hurtin' people."

He managed to call up a smile of his own. "How'd you get to be so wise, Emma?"

"Listenin' to my heart, I reckon."

Sam took her in his arms and kissed her, and felt his world click back into place around him. He knew it was right. The fear wasn't gone, but they'd face the dangers together. He'd never push Emma away. Never again.

THE END


End file.
